Thoughts on Chinese philosophy which turns into a big list of random stuff, then into a story about a story...

"Zhuangzi dreamed he was a butterfly"

One day Zhuangzi dreamed he was a beautiful butterfly flying free. When he woke, he wondered how he could determine whether he was Zhuangzi who had just finished dreaming he was a butterfly, or a butterfly, who had just started dreaming he was Zhuangzi.

This would be my favourite Chinese Philisopholophosical idiom ever. I first heard it from a dude I worked with called Jack Sheppard (One of those names where you have to say the surname too, otherwise the world will end or something. ), up there with coolest brainiest dudes I've met, its not often I meet people that I'd admit are BOTH (slightly) cooler and smarter than, well, MEEE. So when I do, and they tell me cool Chinese Philisopholophosical idiom's I tend to drop them into conversations, or freestyle raps, or, you know, flirtations with the girl at KFC, as if I made them up myself, but this time I'll give credit where credit's due.
(Other Jack Sheppardism's I use are "Cool and old school", something I picked up when I went to his flat to play counter strike once and he chose the player name SirFraggalot (or something like that.) because it was the default player name of the original beta version of counterstrike that was released, which made it "Cool and old school".

Also, once he told me about Mandarin, how it is a syllable timed, tone based language so you could say "Xiao" in five different tones and it would mean five different things. I like to drop that little gem whenever someone talks about the Chinese language, or when I'm watching a subtitled Chinese movie with someone, or whenever there's an uncomfortable pause in a conversation, for instance:

C-ROCK: So anyway for lunch I got this steaklet which is like a meat patty covered in batter, oh man it was
JESSICA: I'm pregnant.
C-ROCK: ... ...
JESSICA: ... ...
C-ROCK: ... but we've never even...
JESSICA: ...
C-ROCK: ... done it...
JESSICA: ... ...
C-ROCK: Oh...
JESSICA: ... C-Rock I'm sor
C-ROCK: Did... Did you know that Mandarin is a syllable timed (as opposed to English being stress timed) tone based language, so for instance, you could say "Xiao" like 'sheeyaO' or 'shiyAo' and it would mean two different things, depending on the ummmm
JESSICA: ... ...
C-ROCK: ... toooone ... yeah... Sometimes its even like totally opposite meanings too... guess you needa watch what you say if you ever learn Mandarin hehe... he...)

I'm convinced that "Zhuangzi dreamed he was a butterfly" was "The Matrix" of its time, because everybody knows that back in the day Movies were called Books, and Sci-fi was called Philosophy. Seeing as Zhuangzi wrote a Philosophy book, we can safely say that it was actually a Sci-Fi movie about a man questioning his reality.

It's a cool thing to think about when you wake up from a dream. "Am I C-Rock, who has just finished dreaming that I was the 13 year old C-Rock (walking through a girls school being really popular skuks guy, but too ashamed to talk to any of the girls, teachers and lunch ladies flirting their asses off to him, because all his teeth have fallen out, he has lost his shoe and smells far too strongly of seaweed.)? Or am I the 13 year old C-Rock (he was a great kid), just starting to dream that I am 25 year old C-Rock?"

I know for a fact that the 13 year old me would wake from a dream of my average working day thinking "Stink dream". Three snoozes before waking up late, catching the bus with the hoi polloi, surfing the net in between phone calls and eating my subsidised canteen lunch doesn't really compare to knife fighting vampires, living in a dark city of super humans or surfing tsunami's. However 13 year old me would probably be amazed at the speed of the work internet connection, the PSP I'm borrowing from me mate and the MP3 phones that the school kids on my bus like to blast Zipso (with the flow) from every morning.

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT (even for a second) that maybe your life is just a ultra complex, labyrinthine (lol 'labyrinthine', I looked that word up on dictionary.com, fuck... I used 'lol', I hate using 'lol') version of the Truman Show? That everything you know that has ever existed was created for some alien deity's viewing pleasure, and you're the main character? That all History before you were born never actually happened, it was all written/created/crafted as back-story to your story? And everything that has happened in the world since was scripted for the sole reason of making you react? And I mean ALL history.

(Here is just a fraction of a fraction of what has been written for you so far, if this HISstory was YOURstory: The Beatles, Neil Armstrong, Mescalin, Nintendo, Maori Land wars, Catherine of Aragon, Joan of Arc, Guy Fawkes, September 11, Hiroshima, Silmido, Samurai's, Football, Nike, Gogo Yubari, Starbucks, Alpha Centauri, Walt Disney, Pharoahs, The Trojan War, Punk Rockers, Hip-Hop, Bonnie and Clyde, Donatella Versace, Sci-fi, Time travel, Ghosts, The State of Origin, Shaman's, Cowboys, Cherokee, Bruce Lee, Jet Lee, Stan Lee, Jim Lee, Zeus, Thor, Dream of the Endless, Little Red Riding Hood, The Vietnam War, The Bahavatgita, Frau Totenkinder, Norah Jones, Wolverine, Thee Michelle Gun Elephant, Kodak, The Imperial March, Communism, Anarchism, Despotism, Neo-McCarthyism, Aurora Australis, Bugs Bunny, Welcome to Jam Rock, Andre the Giant, Random Access Memory, Spinning classes, The Model T Ford, The Riddle of the Sphinx, 2pac, The Lone Ranger, SpongeBob Squarepants, Stephen King, Orpheus, Napster, Wall Street, Cheerleaders, Ballet, Grease 2, Chatrooms, Geisha girls, Saber Rider, Monkeys in Space, Arnold Schwartzenegger, Muppets, Shadow puppets, Opera, The Highwayman, Led Zepplin, Kool DJ Herc, The Bible, Magic: The Gathering, Count Dracula, Pikachu, Elvis Priestly, Picasso, Gilgamesh, Coca-Cola, Bahumat, Gandalf, The Koran, Beethoven, Ninja Scroll, World of Warcraft, The Alamo, Inigo Mantoya, Clint Eastwood, Oprah, Atvomat Kalashnikova 1947, The Korean War, Krishna, Michael Jackson's Moonwalk, Bloods and Crips, Credit Cards, Legend of Zelda, The Tomatina Festival, Sherlock Holmes, John Wayne, Vitaly Yurchenko, LOST, Bull fighting, Marvin Gaye, Vegetarianism, Shakespeare, A Clockwork Orange, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Motown Records, Al Capone, The Civil Rights movement, The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, The Berlin Wall, Star Signs, Darth Vader, Shiva, Kurt Cobain, Vicky Vale, Aparteid, Shaka Zulu, Alien Abductions, Pong, Tony Montana, Ziggy Stardust, Voodoo, Sai Baba, N.W.A, Eisensteinian Montage, Hitler, Aristotle, Mutant Metaphysics, Once upon a time in the West, The Godfather, Titanic, Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla, The Chinese Cultural Revolution, Voltron, Jakie Chan, Power Rangers, Gondor Rangers, Walker Texas Ranger, Stranger Danger, Ride of the Valkyries, Guerilla Warfare, Cypress Hill, Elfkind, Sushi, Harry Potter, Megatron, Whale Songs, Metallurgy, Currency, F-16 Fighting Falcon, Anne Frank, Grand Theft Auto, Trance, Witch Hunts, Tetris, The Saint of Killers, Werewolves, 808 State, Michelangelo, Jazz, Pythagarus theory, the Sistine Chapel, Compulsory conscription, Nightmare's on Wax, The Sword in the Stone, Rosa Parks, Vampire Hunter D, Ray Sefo, Albert Einstein, Amazon.com, Thelonious Monk, Schindler's List, Neon Genesis Evangelion, G.I Joe, Homer Simpson, Ode to Joy, Microsoft, The Battle of Marathon, The Battle of Evermore, The Battle of Chaeronea, The Battle of Los Angeles, The Battle of Kharkov, The Battle of Gettysburg, The Battle of Buna-Gona, The Battle of Granicus, The Battle of Stirling Bridge, The Battle of les Tourelles, The Battle of Endor, The Battle of Helms Deep, The Battle of Kar Dathra's Gate.)

Ever thought: what if some, 'other', creates whole universes/realities in his spare time (like it took this dude only 10 minutes to think of the entire history of our universe from begining to end, every invention, every animal, vegetable, mineral, molecule, and every story ever told in every language ever) and keeps them (Universes) in a little crystal sphere's so his peeps can lay bets on the main character of the universe (that's you). His mates would only be told a brief history of the universe and the human race, Earths Flora and Fauna, the main characters strengths, weaknesses, personality traits, possible futures etc. When that's over they can lay bets on... anything really, like which religion will you choose, what age will you get married, what career will you take (religion, marriage would need to be explained, as these are human concepts, obviously) And then when all bets are down, the creator 'other' guy jump starts the universe at the point of your birth and they all watch the crystal sphere as the future unfolds. And what if you figured all this out somehow, and jumped out of the universe into their world which is like a dark sky that you float around in and you think you've won, that you've out thought and beaten this alien creator guy and you want him to pay, but when you fly over and confront him, its like he's expecting you.

OTHER CREATOR: "Hello [your full name here]"
You recognise its face immediately, and many things become clear.
YOU: "I should have known... Ronald..."
The 'other' is a giant nightmare image of Ronald McDonald. You notice that the death pale face, grotesque red lips, hair like crimson flames, glowing eyes and oversized feet are all make-up of a sort, not cosmetic though... genetic. (Dun dun dun!!) He comes close and you see that the yellow glow from his eyes actually eminate from his pupils, pupils shaped like the Golden Arches (Dun Dun dundundunDUNNN!!!) His voice booms

RONALD: I see the intricacies of my little, 'in joke', for your world are not lost on you.
YOU: Are you kidding me Ron? The Golden Arches is only THE most recognised symbol in the world. Lemme guess you're responsible for clowns too?
RONALD: I am responsible for everything you know... And my real name, in your human tongue, is Ronahadalma Kadonahalod
YOU: Try saying that ten times quickly... I've always hated clowns.
RONALD: Clowns? Why hate them when they bring such joy?
YOU: Did John Wayne Gacy bring joy to the 29 boys he buried under his floorboards? And what about Pennywise the clown who has terrorises the town of Derry, Maine every 27 years?
RONALD: You are a smart one I see. You seem know your history, so answer me this [your name here], in ancient pantomime, the clowns make up was applied only actors playing the part of... whom?
YOU: ...The Devil.
RONALD: Correct, the Christian devil, one of my favourite creations. I know what you're thinking and you are correct. I created clowns in my image to paint myself in a positive light. Not only clowns though, Harlequins, Court Jesters, Mimes, Magicians, Kabuki actors, Geisha's, Sports mascots and of course your beloved Ronald MacDonald are all positive manifestations of, yours truly....
YOU: Ronald. MacDonald... Christ, do you know how many unhappy obese people you've helped to create?
RONALD: Why yes, one hundred and thirteen million seven hundred and forty two thousand six hundred and two.
YOU: Oh... Go on then...
RONALD: I am not the liar you think I am [your name here], for I know that there are two sides to every mirror, that every God must have a Devil, and every ray of light must cast a shadow. I'm ALL about balance. Which is why, for every Bobo the Happy Slappy Birthday Clown, there is a Pennywise, or a John Wayne Gacy, or a Joker, or a Doink, or an angry young Goth.
YOU: Seems like a lot of fuckin work seeing as no-one knows you exist.
RONALD: Not at all, in fact, I've spent more time talking to you than I ever spent creating your entire, universe.
YOU: So.. you... you're, God?
RONALD: Muhuhahahaha! Far from it child, belief in 'Gods', religion, these are just mass crowd controls I put in place on your little blue planet. It makes for far more, 'interesting' viewing.
YOU: So you're telling me all the Gods don't even exist?!
RONALD: Oh they exist alright, every one of them I created myself. They watch you all from above and have a certain amount of influence on their followers, but they don't know that I watch THEM from above. You see they are all part of my ultimate plan for your universe.
YOU: Which is?
RONALD: Armageddon, Apocalypse, Judgement Day, Ragnarok, Shiva's Destruction, there are many names for it, take your pick.
YOU: You're going to destroy the world?!
RONALD: Don't act so surprised [your name here], you knew it was coming, in your heart, you knew. First of all, the Gods have been saying for centuries that this was coming, that was your first clue. More recently, The Wars, Famines, Natural Disasters all occurring at an increasing rate, you knew what was happening, and that's what led you to me.Yes your world is on a timeline and its about to end.
YOU: What?! You're just going destroy it?! Why?!
RONALD: It bores me. We have been watching you your whole life [your name here]. You are the only being in your world who has had absolute free will, everyone else was just walking the path I laid for them a long time ago. You could have been anything you wanted to be, but frankly speaking, you haven't exactly set the ratings on fire have you?
YOU: Why tell me this?! What do you want with me?!
RONALD: Well, all of you get a chance. It's quite simple really...

Ronahadalma Kadonahalod raises a clawed hand and a glowing sphere appears floating above it, within the sphere many stars, no, not stars, whole galaxies sparkle.

RONALD: This is your world, your universe, your reality entire. In 600 days I will end it, no pain, no suffering, just end.
YOU: My God... it's... Beautiful... ... ... what did you mean by "All of you"?
RONALD: You didn't think you were the only one did you? Open your eyes... look to La Luna...

For the first time you look skyward and see spheres glowing in all directions like a firefly ballet. You suddenly feel small, insignificant, and not up to Ronald's task, whatever it may be.

YOU: How... how many?
RONALD: A billion billion, maybe more. Every one, vastly different from the next. Within each lives a single free soul like yourself who we monitor for our entertainment and who, ultimately, will be given this chance...
YOU: A chance at what?
RONALD: A chance to save your world of course! Your actions will decide how I treat this universe, whether I become Juju the happy magic clown...

He flashes his razor fangs at you...

RONALD: Or Pennywise...
YOU: ... fuck...
RONALD: I shall give you a task, if you succeed, the timeline extends. Should you fail, your world ends now. If you choose not to take this task, then... well, you have 600 days to make your peace with the world. What will you do [your name here]?
YOU: Like I have a choice...
RONALD: There is always a choice.
YOU: Just give it to me straight Ronnie, what do I do?
RONALD: ... You speak. That is all. Tell me why this, [holds up sphere] is worth saving. If I am unimpressed, I'll make a fist and crush your existence in the palm of my hand. Your time starts now, you have 600 days. Speak for your people [your name here]. Speak... Speak and save the world...

For the first 100 days you stare down the giant saying nothing, tireless. What can you possibly say that he doesn't already know? How do you impress the one who wrote or inspired every speech, book, movie, poem, song and sonnet ever? How can you convince him that the world is worth saving if he has already made up his mind. You go through all possible scenarios in your head: Do you try flattery? that gets you no-where. Trickery? Reverse Psychology? ummm no, he invented those remember? It occurs to you that he has given you an impossible task, nothing you ever say about your world will impress him enough to change his mind. You look into the great Golden arches gleaming before you, and Despair whispers her cold nothings in your ear.

Then he speaks...

RONALD: You have 500 days left. Every moment you stay silent, your world falls closer to Chaos. I can hear the Angels of Heaven prepare for the last battle. I see Shiva woken from slumber, soon to perform her dance of destruction. I can feel the hatred of Loki, and the bloodlust of Thor, they face each other now at the end of the world. Remain silent [your name here], and I leave these Gods to do my work for me. They stop dead in their tracks when you begin.

Then you speak...

Where the words came from you'll never know. The first was the hardest. You never imagined uttering a single word would be the most difficult thing you ever do. With the weight on the world on your shoulders, you knew that once you started there was no turning back. When you were told of the God's preparing to end it all, it did not have the desired effect. It was supposed to be his Ace, his trump card, a threat that would scare you into action. Instead it empowered you. For, in a way, you had control over the Gods, the choirs of Angels and the Host of Asgard, what was there to fear? So you spoke out. You didn't beg, you didn't bluff, you didn't flatter or guilt trip, you told him nothing he already knew..

You told a story...

Because being the only person in the universe with free will has its perks. For one, the King of all Clowns can never read your thoughts, he's ALL about balance after all. How do you impress someone who has written every story ever? Tell them a story they've never heard.

And what a story you told. An epic. Soon the glowing spheres flying overhead gather around you, for such was your tale, that every other universe wanted to listen. Eons from now spheres will gather again, and unanimously agree, that yours is the greatest story told in a billion, billion worlds.

It takes you 500 days to tell. At last you breathe the fateful last words "The End". The King of all Clowns (Who for 500 days has listened intently, emotionless, holding your world in his hand) sheds a single golden tear.
RONALD: Well done...

Then the world falls away from you, the firefly ballet fades, along with the memory of the entire ordeal. Sleep takes you.

You awake, of course, to the sound of your alarm. Rising from bed, you try to remember the strange dream you just had without success. You go about your morning routine with a slight skip in your step because (Though you remember nothing of it) inside you know, that you have just saved the universe. On the trip to work you tell yourself how beautiful the world looks today, the sky so big and blue, the trees so alive. Then you pass it (because everyone passes one on the way to work)... McDonalds... You see the Golden Arches and a shiver runs up your spine.

eyeah...

hehe, sorry kinda went off on a tangent there... got a bit deeper than I thought it would haha...
but yea, have you ever had that thought?

No?

nah neither.

Wow lists of random stuff are cool! Everyone should do one! Just follow your chain of thought man...

finis.